The Impact of Grace and Courtesy

At Wheaton Montessori School, we emphasize two words on a regular basis: grace and courtesy. But what does grace and courtesy mean? How are they an essential part of Montessori classrooms, specifically at Wheaton Montessori School? And what role do they play in supporting the development of social relationships and confident humans?

What is Grace? What is Courtesy?

Let’s first isolate each word. Google’s Oxford Languages defines “grace" in two parts: 1. simple elegance or refinement of movement, and 2. courteous goodwill. Courtesy is defined simply as the showing of politeness in one’s attitude and behavior toward others. Stated another way, grace and courtesy comprise how we move through the space around us showing respect for ourselves and others.

Grace and courtesy are fundamental aspects of Montessori education and are taught and expected to be demonstrated in different ways across various age groups, specifically in the preschool and kindergarten, elementary, and adolescent stages.

Grace & Courtesy Lessons at Wheaton Montessori School

Preschool and Kindergarten

In our preschool and kindergarten communities, grace and courtesy are considered to be part of practical life learning and we devote significant time to grace and courtesy lessons. For example, the adults give explicit instructions on how to walk around someone’s work on the rug, how to wait your turn, how to offer help, how to tuck a chair under the table, or how to introduce oneself. These lessons are offered one-on-one or in small groups and we role play to discover new skills.

We are very careful about how we introduce grace and courtesy to children. If we see something that needs to be addressed, we try to avoid confronting the child in the moment and we never offer grace and courtesy lessons as a form of punishment or correction. We are careful about this because children are often embarrassed when corrected by adults on the spot. When this happens, they can feel disrespected and not safe, and thus much less likely to perform the act on their own accord.

Elementary Program

As children enter their elementary years, our approach shifts slightly. Elementary-age children are more focused on their social interactions and are learning how to navigate the ups and downs of friendships and are continuously learning and experiencing how to handle different situations within their social circles. As such, much of the grace and courtesy work at this level provides children with tools for communicating directly and respectfully, sharing perspectives thoughtfully, and even being discreet about something potentially embarrassing. In addition, they are learning how to interact with the broader community as they arrange visits or interviews, conduct themselves according to the norms of different communities, and explore how to be a host or a guest. They foster a sense of responsibility and respect towards others and the environment.

Adolescent Community

When it comes to adolescents, grace and courtesy are further expanded and refined. Teens are expected to have mastered the basics and are now taught how these concepts apply on a broader scale. They learn about ethical behavior, critical thinking, and decision-making. They experience and explor how to navigate complex social situations, respect all, communicate effectively, and collaborate with others. They are encouraged, supported, modeled, and taught to demonstrate these behaviors in real-world situations, helping them prepare for adulthood.

In summary, grace and courtesy are integral parts of the educational journey at Wheaton Montessori School. They evolve and differ in complexity depending on the age group, starting with basic manners in preschool and kindergarten, progressing to more complex social interactions in elementary, and culminating with ethical behavior and decision-making in adolescence.

The Goal

At Wheaton Montessori School these acts of grace and courtesy aren’t rigid demands. For example, we do not like insisting that children say please and thank you. We want students to voluntarily use these niceties because it’s part of living together, they are surrounded by courtesies, and they recognize the relationships. They become part of how children want to be and interact. The expectations are modeled, taught, encouraged, and supported. Dr. Montessori is quoted as saying: “…the essential thing is that [the child] should know how to perform these actions of courtesy when his little heart prompts him to do so, as part of a social life which develops naturally from moment to moment.”

Like all academic, practical, and social activities within our classroom communities, we offer opportunities to regularly practice and repeat grace and courtesy skills. Because these experiences are part of the normal functioning of the day, they provide a respectful way for young people to learn expectations and for adults to inspire, model, scaffold, and assist social skill development.

The Results

As we offer these grace and courtesy opportunities and give children a safe place to practice, our young people eventually perform these skills independently.

Upon your initial visit to Wheaton Montessori School, you probably encountered an incredibly focused, purposeful, and joyful environment in all of our programs. You might have observed two young kids seated together, with one patiently assisting the other in putting on their shoes. There could also have been a student waiting calmly to share a story with the teacher. Your children bring a sad classmate a tissue or rush to assist when someone has a spill. They tuck their chairs under tables. They carefully place a tray on a table. They greet each other and adults in the hallways. They hold the door open when they see someone coming in their way.

In summary, in each of our programs, students are always encouraged and guided to work with grace and courtesy. Interactions at Wheaton Montessori School are done in a manner that is peaceful, respectful, and cooperative and are marked by mutual understanding and a sense of unity. Students share their spaces, resources, and time in a way that promotes harmony and fosters a sense of community. This harmonious coexistence among children is a testament to their innate ability to learn together peacefully and treat each other with grace and courtesy.

Your children as part of Wheaton Montessori School students and as future alumni move beyond the basic niceties and think deeply about their impact on those around them. We’d love to show you this in action. We invite current families to schedule classroom observation and prospective families to schedule a school tour to see the ways that grace and courtesy help children recognize themselves as caring, competent, and cooperative individuals within a community together.

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Be Quiet and Sit Still

By Rebecca Lingo • February 16, 2026

At Wheaton Montessori School, your child is guided by highly trained professionals who deeply understand child and adolescent development. Every day, thoughtful structures and intentional practices support students in using their intellect, curiosity, time, and choices successfully, so they can grow into capable, self-directed individuals. Dr. Maria Montessori never equated being “good” with silence or stillness. Our teachers do not equate being well-behaved with being quiet and sitting still. In fact, like Dr. Montessori, we believe that movement, communication, and social interaction are essential to learning. When you observe a classroom at Wheaton Montessori School, you’ll see exactly that: children moving purposefully, talking with peers, collaborating, and responsibly managing their academic work throughout the day. What may look like “freedom” on the surface is actually built upon a strong underlying structure. Students experience a sense of choice, what to work on, where to sit, how long to engage, and who to collaborate with, because the environment has been carefully prepared to support those decisions. The Power of Structure and Grace The foundation of our campus is made up of proactive lessons called Grace and Courtesy . These lessons explicitly teach students how to: Set up and return materials Respect others’ space and work Ask to observe a peer’s work Acknowledge feelings and resolve conflict respectfully These shared lessons give everyone a common language and reference point for living and learning together. Older or more experienced students model appropriate behavior, creating classrooms full of young teachers, not just the adults guiding the environment. Students always have opportunities to challenge themselves or to take a healthy break. They work and play with materials they are developmentally ready to use, ensuring success while still encouraging growth. Not a Free-For-All: A Thoughtfully Designed Community Authentic Montessori environments are often misunderstood as unstructured. In reality, our campus is carefully designed to meet the developmental needs of preschool children through high school freshmen. The structure is natural, respectful, and aligned with who children and adolescents truly are. We know learners may still experience frustration, regret, and disappointment at times. Those moments are part of learning. When a child sits beside a teacher to regroup, it may feel like a “time out” to them, but it is actually a moment of support, reflection, and connection within a safe community. When challenging behaviors arise, our teachers respond with empathy and expertise. They understand that all behavior communicates a need. Rather than relying on rewards or punishments, teachers may guide a child toward a break, offer work that better meets their developmental needs, or help them return to a centered and purposeful state. Growing Self-Discipline From the Inside Out At Wheaton Montessori School, self-discipline and regulation develop through meaningful activity. Expected behavior grows through practice within a warm, structured community. Curiosity sparks interest, interest fuels focus, and focus leads toward mastery. This process contributes to valorization, your child’s growing sense of confidence, capability, and belonging. Children who feel balanced and respected naturally behave with greater care for themselves, others, and their environment. This sums up Dr. Montessori’s limits in three rules: care for yourself, care for others, and care for your surroundings. The true outcome of this work is human development: your child and adolescent’s identity, agency, purpose, and love of learning. When they understand big ideas and see themselves as capable contributors, they grow in ways that last a lifetime.

Materials Spotlight: Sandpaper Letters & Moveable Alphabet

By Rebecca Lingo • February 9, 2026

Unlocking Literacy the Montessori Way At Wheaton Montessori School, Montessori literacy materials like Sandpaper Letters and the Moveable Alphabet provide hands-on experiences that connect sounds, symbols, and meaning, building the foundation for confident reading and writing. These materials help children translate the words they hear into the symbols they see, developing strong neural pathways for literacy while fostering independence and a love of language. In this blog, we explore how Sandpaper Letters and the Moveable Alphabet guide children from sound awareness to word building, creating a joyful approach to early literacy. Sandpaper Letters The Sandpaper Letters incorporate decades of insight into how children truly learn to read and write. Sandpaper Letters embody the Science of Reading—connecting sound, symbol, and meaning through hands-on learning and building strong neural pathways for literacy. These timeless Montessori principles continue to align beautifully with what modern science confirms about how your child’s brain learns best. Moveable Alphabet Before handwriting comes word building! The Moveable Alphabet lets your children ‘write’ their thoughts with letters long before they can hold a pencil—bridging the gap between spoken and written language. With literacy materials like the Moveable Alphabet, children communicate their thoughts by building words with cut-out letters—translating the sounds they hear into symbols they can see. This powerful step develops the foundation for reading and writing, helping children understand that words are made of sounds and that sounds can be represented with letters. Because our teachers base every lesson on development, writing comes first—because it’s easier to build words from sounds than to read or decode someone else's written thoughts. Our literacy approach at Wheaton Montessori School is designed to meet each child where they are, providing hands-on experiences that foster confidence, independence, and a lifelong love of reading and writing. From Sandpaper Letters to the Moveable Alphabet, every tool and lesson helps children connect sounds to symbols, build words, and discover the joy of language.