The Impact of Grace and Courtesy

At Wheaton Montessori School, we emphasize two words on a regular basis: grace and courtesy. But what does grace and courtesy mean? How are they an essential part of Montessori classrooms, specifically at Wheaton Montessori School? And what role do they play in supporting the development of social relationships and confident humans?

What is Grace? What is Courtesy?

Let’s first isolate each word. Google’s Oxford Languages defines “grace" in two parts: 1. simple elegance or refinement of movement, and 2. courteous goodwill. Courtesy is defined simply as the showing of politeness in one’s attitude and behavior toward others. Stated another way, grace and courtesy comprise how we move through the space around us showing respect for ourselves and others.

Grace and courtesy are fundamental aspects of Montessori education and are taught and expected to be demonstrated in different ways across various age groups, specifically in the preschool and kindergarten, elementary, and adolescent stages.

Grace & Courtesy Lessons at Wheaton Montessori School

Preschool and Kindergarten

In our preschool and kindergarten communities, grace and courtesy are considered to be part of practical life learning and we devote significant time to grace and courtesy lessons. For example, the adults give explicit instructions on how to walk around someone’s work on the rug, how to wait your turn, how to offer help, how to tuck a chair under the table, or how to introduce oneself. These lessons are offered one-on-one or in small groups and we role play to discover new skills.

We are very careful about how we introduce grace and courtesy to children. If we see something that needs to be addressed, we try to avoid confronting the child in the moment and we never offer grace and courtesy lessons as a form of punishment or correction. We are careful about this because children are often embarrassed when corrected by adults on the spot. When this happens, they can feel disrespected and not safe, and thus much less likely to perform the act on their own accord.

Elementary Program

As children enter their elementary years, our approach shifts slightly. Elementary-age children are more focused on their social interactions and are learning how to navigate the ups and downs of friendships and are continuously learning and experiencing how to handle different situations within their social circles. As such, much of the grace and courtesy work at this level provides children with tools for communicating directly and respectfully, sharing perspectives thoughtfully, and even being discreet about something potentially embarrassing. In addition, they are learning how to interact with the broader community as they arrange visits or interviews, conduct themselves according to the norms of different communities, and explore how to be a host or a guest. They foster a sense of responsibility and respect towards others and the environment.

Adolescent Community

When it comes to adolescents, grace and courtesy are further expanded and refined. Teens are expected to have mastered the basics and are now taught how these concepts apply on a broader scale. They learn about ethical behavior, critical thinking, and decision-making. They experience and explor how to navigate complex social situations, respect all, communicate effectively, and collaborate with others. They are encouraged, supported, modeled, and taught to demonstrate these behaviors in real-world situations, helping them prepare for adulthood.

In summary, grace and courtesy are integral parts of the educational journey at Wheaton Montessori School. They evolve and differ in complexity depending on the age group, starting with basic manners in preschool and kindergarten, progressing to more complex social interactions in elementary, and culminating with ethical behavior and decision-making in adolescence.

The Goal

At Wheaton Montessori School these acts of grace and courtesy aren’t rigid demands. For example, we do not like insisting that children say please and thank you. We want students to voluntarily use these niceties because it’s part of living together, they are surrounded by courtesies, and they recognize the relationships. They become part of how children want to be and interact. The expectations are modeled, taught, encouraged, and supported. Dr. Montessori is quoted as saying: “…the essential thing is that [the child] should know how to perform these actions of courtesy when his little heart prompts him to do so, as part of a social life which develops naturally from moment to moment.”

Like all academic, practical, and social activities within our classroom communities, we offer opportunities to regularly practice and repeat grace and courtesy skills. Because these experiences are part of the normal functioning of the day, they provide a respectful way for young people to learn expectations and for adults to inspire, model, scaffold, and assist social skill development.

The Results

As we offer these grace and courtesy opportunities and give children a safe place to practice, our young people eventually perform these skills independently.

Upon your initial visit to Wheaton Montessori School, you probably encountered an incredibly focused, purposeful, and joyful environment in all of our programs. You might have observed two young kids seated together, with one patiently assisting the other in putting on their shoes. There could also have been a student waiting calmly to share a story with the teacher. Your children bring a sad classmate a tissue or rush to assist when someone has a spill. They tuck their chairs under tables. They carefully place a tray on a table. They greet each other and adults in the hallways. They hold the door open when they see someone coming in their way.

In summary, in each of our programs, students are always encouraged and guided to work with grace and courtesy. Interactions at Wheaton Montessori School are done in a manner that is peaceful, respectful, and cooperative and are marked by mutual understanding and a sense of unity. Students share their spaces, resources, and time in a way that promotes harmony and fosters a sense of community. This harmonious coexistence among children is a testament to their innate ability to learn together peacefully and treat each other with grace and courtesy.

Your children as part of Wheaton Montessori School students and as future alumni move beyond the basic niceties and think deeply about their impact on those around them. We’d love to show you this in action. We invite current families to schedule classroom observation and prospective families to schedule a school tour to see the ways that grace and courtesy help children recognize themselves as caring, competent, and cooperative individuals within a community together.

Adolescent Seminar Observation Ms. Searcy’s Upper Elementary Classroom Observation Mrs. Fortun’s Lower Elementary Classroom Observation Mrs. Mayhugh’s Lower Elementary Classroom Observation Mrs. Berdick’s Primary Classroom Observation Ms. Carr’s Primary Classroom Observation Ms. Chiste’s Primary Classroom Observation Mrs. Rogers’s Primary Classroom Observation

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Freedom and Responsibility in the Elementary Classroom

By Suzanna Mayhugh, Lower Elementary Teacher • January 19, 2026

Montessori Mayhem? Pint-Sized Pandemonium? When I give tours of the Elementary classrooms or welcome new parents to the Elementary program at Wheaton Montessori School, some parents believe that students are allowed complete freedom, as if the classrooms are a beautiful den of chaos and anarchy. Indeed, this is one of the biggest misconceptions about Montessori education. (The biggest misconception being, in my experience, that Montessori isn’t “real world” education. But as we say in our lessons, “That’s a story for another day.”) While Montessori classrooms DO give children the freedoms they require and deserve, it’s not an unlimited free-for-all with an adult watching from an observation chair! Freedom is always balanced with responsibility, to oneself and to the community. These values, freedom and responsibility, are essential for creating a happy, busy, humming classroom where children thrive. What Does Freedom Mean in Our Classroom? “Freedom” in the classroom means that students are encouraged to make choices about their learning. Just as in our Primary classrooms at Wheaton Montessori School, students are free to choose their work, their seat, and their work partners. They are free to move about the classroom and do not need to raise their hands to visit the restroom, get a drink of water, or ask a question. Let’s look at a few of these freedoms more closely. Students are Free to Choose Their Work. For example, they may choose which book to read, choose a work partner to research a chosen topic, or practice a tricky bit of a lesson over and over. They are also able to choose how they will show their understanding. They might present their understanding through a poster, a diorama, a model, a handmade book, or an enormous amount of cardboard and hot glue. These choices empower students to take charge of their education and express themselves in ways that suit their interests and strengths, something a standardized test or a worksheet can never do. However, freedom in the classroom ALWAYS has limits. For example, students are free to choose their work, but choosing NOT to work is not an option. They are free to choose their work from the lessons that have been presented to them. While students may choose their reading material, it must be appropriate for their reading level and classroom guidelines. When students select a partner, they must do so respectfully and inclusively. When students create projects and work output, they must do so with care, make proper use of materials, and in a way that shows what they understand about their topic. Additionally, these choices should never disrupt their own learning and construction, or that of their peers. The Role of Responsibility In a true Montessori classroom, freedom comes with responsibility. And that responsibility can sometimes be uncomfortable at first. Students are expected to care for classroom materials, such as returning books and lesson materials to the shelf, taking part in classroom jobs, keeping a record of their work in their work journals, and handling art supplies properly. They are responsible for practicing their lessons and completing chosen follow-up work, listening attentively during lessons or when a classmate is sharing a presentation or thought, and helping classmates when needed and available. A student is not free to use materials in a way that damages or wastes the classroom supplies or puts anyone in harm’s way. Freedom within our classroom never allows for harming oneself, others, or the classroom materials. Healthy boundaries, limits, and structures are consistently communicated in advance with clarity and respect, ensuring practicality and alignment within the community. Classroom expectations and rules are collaboratively developed and agreed upon by the community. In order to foster a positive learning environment, both students and teachers are expected to adhere to the shared expectations and responsibilities. When necessary, the classroom adult will address students and reiterate expectations and boundaries in a firm yet considerate manner. This balanced approach is effective only when maintained consistently throughout each day. What Might it Look Like When the Balance Needs to Shift? The adults in the classroom are constantly observing the children to be sure that each child has as much freedom as they are ready for, providing them space, room, and opportunities to show their strengths, and make their own choices throughout the day. When that freedom is too much, a teacher might need to provide more lessons in how to use materials that have been damaged or used improperly, limit work partner choices, or have a student sit with the teacher while they practice lessons or work with precious art materials. The adults will be watching for the perfect moment to allow the child increased freedom within the classroom, and within the limits of the understood responsibilities. How Freedom and Responsibility Work Together Finding the right mix of freedom and responsibility is something we work on together every day in our classroom. Montessori teachers are specially trained to guide this balance, helping students practice important skills like making good choices, solving problems, and learning self-control. When children are trusted to make decisions, they also learn to take responsibility for those choices. Experiencing the natural consequences of their actions helps them become kind, thoughtful, and capable members of their community who understand how their choices affect others. What Does This Have to Do with Parents? Your support at home makes a big difference. By working together, we can help your child thrive both at school and at home. Encouraging your child to take responsibility for their actions and decisions reinforces what they learn in class. Yes, it can be uncomfortable, but it is necessary. It also becomes easier, more comfortable, and needs to be practiced less often when practiced consistently (like most things!). This supportive consistency across settings, at home and at school, helps children feel confident, cared for, and increasingly independent.

Where Learning Supports Who They Become

By Kelly Jonelis, Adolescent Program Director and Math Teacher • January 12, 2026

Where Learning Supports Who They Become Inspired by the Deep Dive on Psycho-Disciplines by David Kahn and Michael Waski In Wheaton Montessori School’s Adolescent Program, learning is more than content acquisition; it is a Psycho-discipline. A psycho-discipline is the connection of each discipline to the psychology of the developing human. When children and adolescents engage in subjects in a way that aligns with their psychology and developmental needs, the learning becomes internalized, and since discipline's root meaning is connected to “accepting with love”, they are supported to love learning. At Wheaton Montessori School, every subject your adolescent studies, from math, science, language, and literature to economics, morality, and culture, is intentionally crafted to support who they are becoming. We don’t teach disciplines simply to transmit facts. We use the subjects of humanities, math, social sciences, language, and sciences to strengthen your adolescent’s confidence, character, and capacity to participate meaningfully in society. This approach is deeply rooted in the Montessori work of David Kahn and Michael Waski, both pioneers of adolescent training programs and adolescent psyche work. They describe these subjects as psycho-disciplines. Psycho-discipline can be defined as the order necessary for self-construction. When children and adolescents engage with subjects in a way that aligns with their psychology and developmental needs, the learning becomes internalized. It becomes part of your children and adolescents. And when the curriculum is deeply connected and part of each individual, the result is self-construction that is whole, complete, interdisciplinary, and integrated. Wheaton Montessori School staff are trained to understand and respond to developmental needs and to aid your children and adolescents in loving to learn across the curriculum. We do this for adolescents by connecting the academic topics we cover to real-life applications that are meaningful and relatable for the student. Rather than teaching facts and skills in a silo “just in case” students may need them, we first present students with meaningful context and then move to presenting lessons that give them the tools they need to engage with that context, “just in time.” Psycho-disciplines: • Engage intellect and emotion • Build purpose through real work • Support the drive for belonging and contribution • Empower independent thought connected to others • Spark passion and identity formation Your adolescents learn to navigate complexity by applying their advanced knowledge to real needs. They learn academics best and enjoy them most when they use what they know to strengthen their community and improve the world. This applies whether they are solving problems that arise within their immediate environment or finding opportunities to serve the broader local community. At Wheaton Montessori School, 7 th -9 th graders engage in learning that is meaningful to them. They begin with recognizing authentic needs around them, extending the growing season in their gardens, keeping their chickens and bees healthy through the year, and then working to address those needs. When we provide the “big picture” first, students enter academic lessons with a clear understanding of why the content matters. Instead of teaching unit conversions or graphing equations in isolation and waiting for the question, “When am I ever going to use this?”, we begin with harvesting honey and ask, “What do we need to know to bottle and sell this honey? How do we determine the right price?” This is psycho-disciplines in action. Thermodynamics becomes relevant as students prepare their beehives for winter. Through this work, your adolescents also come to understand their value and place in the broader adult community, whether they are partnering with organizations such as People’s Resource Center or volunteering at Northern Illinois Food Bank. Learning through psycho-disciplines supports who adolescents are becoming and engages the work of the hand, head, and heart. Wheaton Montessori School adolescents don’t learn by memorizing facts, but by engaging and immersing themselves in meaningful work. This provides the means to learn lessons that speak to who the students are and to stick with them for a lifetime. Why Learning with Purpose Your adolescents are forming their adult identity right now. They are asking: How do I contribute? Where do I belong? Why does this matter? At Wheaton Montessori School, psycho-disciplines answer those questions through: • Meaningful collaboration • Real-world application • Guidance from experts and highly skilled mentors • Leadership and ownership • Choice and autonomy Instead of prioritizing the mere transmission of knowledge, we open the doors to further study and provide the order necessary for the formation of maturity and self-respect.