The Impact of Grace and Courtesy

At Wheaton Montessori School, we emphasize two words on a regular basis: grace and courtesy. But what does grace and courtesy mean? How are they an essential part of Montessori classrooms, specifically at Wheaton Montessori School? And what role do they play in supporting the development of social relationships and confident humans?

What is Grace? What is Courtesy?

Let’s first isolate each word. Google’s Oxford Languages defines “grace" in two parts: 1. simple elegance or refinement of movement, and 2. courteous goodwill. Courtesy is defined simply as the showing of politeness in one’s attitude and behavior toward others. Stated another way, grace and courtesy comprise how we move through the space around us showing respect for ourselves and others.

Grace and courtesy are fundamental aspects of Montessori education and are taught and expected to be demonstrated in different ways across various age groups, specifically in the preschool and kindergarten, elementary, and adolescent stages.

Grace & Courtesy Lessons at Wheaton Montessori School

Preschool and Kindergarten

In our preschool and kindergarten communities, grace and courtesy are considered to be part of practical life learning and we devote significant time to grace and courtesy lessons. For example, the adults give explicit instructions on how to walk around someone’s work on the rug, how to wait your turn, how to offer help, how to tuck a chair under the table, or how to introduce oneself. These lessons are offered one-on-one or in small groups and we role play to discover new skills.

We are very careful about how we introduce grace and courtesy to children. If we see something that needs to be addressed, we try to avoid confronting the child in the moment and we never offer grace and courtesy lessons as a form of punishment or correction. We are careful about this because children are often embarrassed when corrected by adults on the spot. When this happens, they can feel disrespected and not safe, and thus much less likely to perform the act on their own accord.

Elementary Program

As children enter their elementary years, our approach shifts slightly. Elementary-age children are more focused on their social interactions and are learning how to navigate the ups and downs of friendships and are continuously learning and experiencing how to handle different situations within their social circles. As such, much of the grace and courtesy work at this level provides children with tools for communicating directly and respectfully, sharing perspectives thoughtfully, and even being discreet about something potentially embarrassing. In addition, they are learning how to interact with the broader community as they arrange visits or interviews, conduct themselves according to the norms of different communities, and explore how to be a host or a guest. They foster a sense of responsibility and respect towards others and the environment.

Adolescent Community

When it comes to adolescents, grace and courtesy are further expanded and refined. Teens are expected to have mastered the basics and are now taught how these concepts apply on a broader scale. They learn about ethical behavior, critical thinking, and decision-making. They experience and explor how to navigate complex social situations, respect all, communicate effectively, and collaborate with others. They are encouraged, supported, modeled, and taught to demonstrate these behaviors in real-world situations, helping them prepare for adulthood.

In summary, grace and courtesy are integral parts of the educational journey at Wheaton Montessori School. They evolve and differ in complexity depending on the age group, starting with basic manners in preschool and kindergarten, progressing to more complex social interactions in elementary, and culminating with ethical behavior and decision-making in adolescence.

The Goal

At Wheaton Montessori School these acts of grace and courtesy aren’t rigid demands. For example, we do not like insisting that children say please and thank you. We want students to voluntarily use these niceties because it’s part of living together, they are surrounded by courtesies, and they recognize the relationships. They become part of how children want to be and interact. The expectations are modeled, taught, encouraged, and supported. Dr. Montessori is quoted as saying: “…the essential thing is that [the child] should know how to perform these actions of courtesy when his little heart prompts him to do so, as part of a social life which develops naturally from moment to moment.”

Like all academic, practical, and social activities within our classroom communities, we offer opportunities to regularly practice and repeat grace and courtesy skills. Because these experiences are part of the normal functioning of the day, they provide a respectful way for young people to learn expectations and for adults to inspire, model, scaffold, and assist social skill development.

The Results

As we offer these grace and courtesy opportunities and give children a safe place to practice, our young people eventually perform these skills independently.

Upon your initial visit to Wheaton Montessori School, you probably encountered an incredibly focused, purposeful, and joyful environment in all of our programs. You might have observed two young kids seated together, with one patiently assisting the other in putting on their shoes. There could also have been a student waiting calmly to share a story with the teacher. Your children bring a sad classmate a tissue or rush to assist when someone has a spill. They tuck their chairs under tables. They carefully place a tray on a table. They greet each other and adults in the hallways. They hold the door open when they see someone coming in their way.

In summary, in each of our programs, students are always encouraged and guided to work with grace and courtesy. Interactions at Wheaton Montessori School are done in a manner that is peaceful, respectful, and cooperative and are marked by mutual understanding and a sense of unity. Students share their spaces, resources, and time in a way that promotes harmony and fosters a sense of community. This harmonious coexistence among children is a testament to their innate ability to learn together peacefully and treat each other with grace and courtesy.

Your children as part of Wheaton Montessori School students and as future alumni move beyond the basic niceties and think deeply about their impact on those around them. We’d love to show you this in action. We invite current families to schedule classroom observation and prospective families to schedule a school tour to see the ways that grace and courtesy help children recognize themselves as caring, competent, and cooperative individuals within a community together.

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How Your Young Children Learn and Why It Matters

By Rebecca Lingo • February 23, 2026

How Your Young Children Learn and Why It Matters Your young children learn by actively constructing themselves through purposeful work. From birth through age six, learning is not passive or instructional. It is driven from within your child, supported by responsive adults like you and all of my colleagues. This internal passion to learn is also boosted through the campus design and surroundings. Every movement, repetition, and exploration is meaningful work that builds the child’s body, mind, language, and sense of self. How learning happens Active construction through work: Your young children learn by doing. Don’t we all! Movement, using the hands, exploring real materials, and repeating challenging tasks are how the brain develops. This work must be meaningful and appropriately challenging, not busy work. Movement and the hand: Development of walking, balance, and refined hand use is foundational. Your children of all ages need freedom to move and manipulate real objects to fully develop coordination, concentration, and foundational academics like writing and adding. Language through relationship: Language develops through reciprocal human interactions. Rich spoken language, conversation, naming the world, and storytelling are essential. Wheaton Montessori School eliminates screens and background noise to highlight communication. Sensorial exploration of reality: Your children learn the world through their senses. Touching, comparing, carrying, observing, and interacting with real things builds the foundation for imagination, reasoning, and abstract thinking later. Authentic Montessori immerses us in exploration and discovery. Sensitive periods: Your children pass through brief, powerful windows of heightened interest and ability, such as for language, movement, social behavior, etc. Wheaton Montessori School teachers observe and offer the right experience at the right time. Learning happens easily and joyfully and feels like play! Concentration and normalization: When your children are connected to meaningful work that they choose themselves and repeat, they develop deep concentration, self-regulation, delight in effort, and care for others. Why This Is Important Early experiences shape lifelong learning: Early experiences lay the neurological, emotional, and social foundation for everything that follows. Missed opportunities are harder to recover: Skills learned during ideal stages are acquired with ease. When these periods are missed, learning later requires more effort and frustration. My colleagues are passionate about tailoring lessons and their classrooms to match child development (and adolescent development, too!) Strong foundations support later independence: Your children deserve rich early support leading to confident, capable, socially aware, and academically prepared people. Well-supported children become well-adjusted humans: This approach supports not just academic readiness, but the development of secure, courteous, empathetic children who care about their community and the world. In short, your children learn best when they are trusted as active learners, supported by attentive adults, and given real, challenging work at the right time. Investing in this early foundation supports not only your child’s success in school, but their lifelong well-being and ability to thrive.

Be Quiet and Sit Still

By Rebecca Lingo • February 16, 2026

At Wheaton Montessori School, your child is guided by highly trained professionals who deeply understand child and adolescent development. Every day, thoughtful structures and intentional practices support students in using their intellect, curiosity, time, and choices successfully, so they can grow into capable, self-directed individuals. Dr. Maria Montessori never equated being “good” with silence or stillness. Our teachers do not equate being well-behaved with being quiet and sitting still. In fact, like Dr. Montessori, we believe that movement, communication, and social interaction are essential to learning. When you observe a classroom at Wheaton Montessori School, you’ll see exactly that: children moving purposefully, talking with peers, collaborating, and responsibly managing their academic work throughout the day. What may look like “freedom” on the surface is actually built upon a strong underlying structure. Students experience a sense of choice, what to work on, where to sit, how long to engage, and who to collaborate with, because the environment has been carefully prepared to support those decisions. The Power of Structure and Grace The foundation of our campus is made up of proactive lessons called Grace and Courtesy . These lessons explicitly teach students how to: Set up and return materials Respect others’ space and work Ask to observe a peer’s work Acknowledge feelings and resolve conflict respectfully These shared lessons give everyone a common language and reference point for living and learning together. Older or more experienced students model appropriate behavior, creating classrooms full of young teachers, not just the adults guiding the environment. Students always have opportunities to challenge themselves or to take a healthy break. They work and play with materials they are developmentally ready to use, ensuring success while still encouraging growth. Not a Free-For-All: A Thoughtfully Designed Community Authentic Montessori environments are often misunderstood as unstructured. In reality, our campus is carefully designed to meet the developmental needs of preschool children through high school freshmen. The structure is natural, respectful, and aligned with who children and adolescents truly are. We know learners may still experience frustration, regret, and disappointment at times. Those moments are part of learning. When a child sits beside a teacher to regroup, it may feel like a “time out” to them, but it is actually a moment of support, reflection, and connection within a safe community. When challenging behaviors arise, our teachers respond with empathy and expertise. They understand that all behavior communicates a need. Rather than relying on rewards or punishments, teachers may guide a child toward a break, offer work that better meets their developmental needs, or help them return to a centered and purposeful state. Growing Self-Discipline From the Inside Out At Wheaton Montessori School, self-discipline and regulation develop through meaningful activity. Expected behavior grows through practice within a warm, structured community. Curiosity sparks interest, interest fuels focus, and focus leads toward mastery. This process contributes to valorization, your child’s growing sense of confidence, capability, and belonging. Children who feel balanced and respected naturally behave with greater care for themselves, others, and their environment. This sums up Dr. Montessori’s limits in three rules: care for yourself, care for others, and care for your surroundings. The true outcome of this work is human development: your child and adolescent’s identity, agency, purpose, and love of learning. When they understand big ideas and see themselves as capable contributors, they grow in ways that last a lifetime.