Collaborative Problem Solving
Rebecca Lingo • November 6, 2023

Dr. Ross Greene, a clinical psychologist and author of Raising Human Beings, among other publications, makes an impassioned plea on his website, Lives in the Balance, asking adults to recast how we think about challenging behavior. When children are behaving in challenging ways, Dr. Greene explains, it is "because they're lacking the skills not to be challenging. If they had the skills, they wouldn't be challenging.”


Dr. Greene also emphasizes two vital themes to better support our children. "Kids do well if they can," he states, and, "Doing well is always preferable to not doing well.”


If we wholeheartedly embrace the fact that our children want to do well if they can, we can take what Dr. Greene calls a “dramatic departure from the view of challenging kids as attention-seeking, manipulative, coercive, limit-testing, and poorly motivated. It’s a completely different set of lenses, supported by research in the neurosciences over the past 30 to 40 years, and it has dramatic implications for how caregivers go about helping such kids.”


How can we help?


It's worth noting that all children at some point demonstrate challenging behaviors. So how do we, as adults and caregivers, help children with these challenges?


The first step is to think about what difficulty a child is facing. The challenging behavior arises because of a difficulty. Listing specific difficulties helps us shift our thinking away from the behaviors that can cause us frustration.


Next, at a time when the behavior isn’t happening, we can find a time to connect and make sure it's a good time to talk. At that point, we can state what we've observed: "I've noticed it's been difficult for you to finish breakfast before we need to leave for school.”


The Empathy Step


Then (and this is key) we ask, “What’s up?” or “What’s going on?” 


This statement of a non-judgmental observation, and then an invitation to share, initiates what Dr. Greene calls the Empathy Step. The Empathy Step is an information-gathering process in which we really try to understand the child's perspective and experience. We listen without reacting and ask questions or reflect back answers in order to peel back the layers of what is really going on for the child in those moments of challenge.


During this time of reflective listening and questioning, it's essential that our child is heard, really heard. All too often, we try to jump in too quickly with advice or solutions, without giving enough time and space for our young person to share valuable perspectives and insights. Just this process of listening can be incredibly healing. If a child isn't used to us really listening, or we aren't used to asking questions rather than offering solutions, check out this cheat sheet for how to get to the heart of the matter.


Assuming our child has been able to share what's really going on in those moments of challenge, we summarize what is distressing to them and share our own concern. For example, "I understand, and my concern is that I feel stressed and anxious when we are rushing to get out the door in the morning." We then invite our child to work together with us to find a solution that can meet everyone's needs.


Schedule a tour by clicking this link to come visit our school and see how collaborative problem-solving works with children. We’ve found that it can also be helpful in our interactions with adults, too!


Current parents please use these links to sign up for your classroom observation:


Adolescent Seminar Observation

Ms. Searcy’s Upper Elementary Classroom Observation

Mrs. Fortun’s Lower Elementary Classroom Observation

Mrs. Mayhugh’s Lower Elementary Classroom Observation

Mrs. Berdick’s Primary Classroom Observation

Ms. Carr’s Primary Classroom Observation

Ms. Chiste’s Primary Classroom Observation

Mrs. Rogers’ Primary Classroom Observation

Students in classroom with headline
By Kelly Jonelis, Adolescent Program Director and Math Teacher January 12, 2026
Where Learning Supports Who They Become Inspired by the Deep Dive on Psycho-Disciplines by David Kahn and Michael Waski In Wheaton Montessori School’s Adolescent Program, learning is more than content acquisition; it is a Psycho-discipline. A psycho-discipline is the connection of each discipline to the psychology of the developing human. When children and adolescents engage in subjects in a way that aligns with their psychology and developmental needs, the learning becomes internalized, and since discipline's root meaning is connected to “accepting with love”, they are supported to love learning. At Wheaton Montessori School, every subject your adolescent studies, from math, science, language, and literature to economics, morality, and culture, is intentionally crafted to support who they are becoming. We don’t teach disciplines simply to transmit facts. We use the subjects of humanities, math, social sciences, language, and sciences to strengthen your adolescent’s confidence, character, and capacity to participate meaningfully in society. This approach is deeply rooted in the Montessori work of David Kahn and Michael Waski, both pioneers of adolescent training programs and adolescent psyche work. They describe these subjects as psycho-disciplines. Psycho-discipline can be defined as the order necessary for self-construction. When children and adolescents engage with subjects in a way that aligns with their psychology and developmental needs, the learning becomes internalized. It becomes part of your children and adolescents. And when the curriculum is deeply connected and part of each individual, the result is self-construction that is whole, complete, interdisciplinary, and integrated. Wheaton Montessori School staff are trained to understand and respond to developmental needs and to aid your children and adolescents in loving to learn across the curriculum. We do this for adolescents by connecting the academic topics we cover to real-life applications that are meaningful and relatable for the student. Rather than teaching facts and skills in a silo “just in case” students may need them, we first present students with meaningful context and then move to presenting lessons that give them the tools they need to engage with that context, “just in time.” Psycho-disciplines: • Engage intellect and emotion • Build purpose through real work • Support the drive for belonging and contribution • Empower independent thought connected to others • Spark passion and identity formation Your adolescents learn to navigate complexity by applying their advanced knowledge to real needs. They learn academics best and enjoy them most when they use what they know to strengthen their community and improve the world. This applies whether they are solving problems that arise within their immediate environment or finding opportunities to serve the broader local community. At Wheaton Montessori School, 7 th -9 th graders engage in learning that is meaningful to them. They begin with recognizing authentic needs around them, extending the growing season in their gardens, keeping their chickens and bees healthy through the year, and then working to address those needs. When we provide the “big picture” first, students enter academic lessons with a clear understanding of why the content matters. Instead of teaching unit conversions or graphing equations in isolation and waiting for the question, “When am I ever going to use this?”, we begin with harvesting honey and ask, “What do we need to know to bottle and sell this honey? How do we determine the right price?” This is psycho-disciplines in action. Thermodynamics becomes relevant as students prepare their beehives for winter. Through this work, your adolescents also come to understand their value and place in the broader adult community, whether they are partnering with organizations such as People’s Resource Center or volunteering at Northern Illinois Food Bank. Learning through psycho-disciplines supports who adolescents are becoming and engages the work of the hand, head, and heart. Wheaton Montessori School adolescents don’t learn by memorizing facts, but by engaging and immersing themselves in meaningful work. This provides the means to learn lessons that speak to who the students are and to stick with them for a lifetime. Why Learning with Purpose Your adolescents are forming their adult identity right now. They are asking: How do I contribute? Where do I belong? Why does this matter? At Wheaton Montessori School, psycho-disciplines answer those questions through: • Meaningful collaboration • Real-world application • Guidance from experts and highly skilled mentors • Leadership and ownership • Choice and autonomy Instead of prioritizing the mere transmission of knowledge, we open the doors to further study and provide the order necessary for the formation of maturity and self-respect.
Children at tables, parents interacting, Montessori school setting. Title: Lighthouse Parenting.
By Christine McClelland and Rebecca Lingo January 5, 2026
Lighthouse Parenting helps children navigate life with guidance and freedom, building the skills and confidence to grow into resilient, independent individuals.