Collaborative Problem Solving
Rebecca Lingo • November 6, 2023

Dr. Ross Greene, a clinical psychologist and author of Raising Human Beings, among other publications, makes an impassioned plea on his website, Lives in the Balance, asking adults to recast how we think about challenging behavior. When children are behaving in challenging ways, Dr. Greene explains, it is "because they're lacking the skills not to be challenging. If they had the skills, they wouldn't be challenging.”


Dr. Greene also emphasizes two vital themes to better support our children. "Kids do well if they can," he states, and, "Doing well is always preferable to not doing well.”


If we wholeheartedly embrace the fact that our children want to do well if they can, we can take what Dr. Greene calls a “dramatic departure from the view of challenging kids as attention-seeking, manipulative, coercive, limit-testing, and poorly motivated. It’s a completely different set of lenses, supported by research in the neurosciences over the past 30 to 40 years, and it has dramatic implications for how caregivers go about helping such kids.”


How can we help?


It's worth noting that all children at some point demonstrate challenging behaviors. So how do we, as adults and caregivers, help children with these challenges?


The first step is to think about what difficulty a child is facing. The challenging behavior arises because of a difficulty. Listing specific difficulties helps us shift our thinking away from the behaviors that can cause us frustration.


Next, at a time when the behavior isn’t happening, we can find a time to connect and make sure it's a good time to talk. At that point, we can state what we've observed: "I've noticed it's been difficult for you to finish breakfast before we need to leave for school.”


The Empathy Step


Then (and this is key) we ask, “What’s up?” or “What’s going on?” 


This statement of a non-judgmental observation, and then an invitation to share, initiates what Dr. Greene calls the Empathy Step. The Empathy Step is an information-gathering process in which we really try to understand the child's perspective and experience. We listen without reacting and ask questions or reflect back answers in order to peel back the layers of what is really going on for the child in those moments of challenge.


During this time of reflective listening and questioning, it's essential that our child is heard, really heard. All too often, we try to jump in too quickly with advice or solutions, without giving enough time and space for our young person to share valuable perspectives and insights. Just this process of listening can be incredibly healing. If a child isn't used to us really listening, or we aren't used to asking questions rather than offering solutions, check out this cheat sheet for how to get to the heart of the matter.


Assuming our child has been able to share what's really going on in those moments of challenge, we summarize what is distressing to them and share our own concern. For example, "I understand, and my concern is that I feel stressed and anxious when we are rushing to get out the door in the morning." We then invite our child to work together with us to find a solution that can meet everyone's needs.


Schedule a tour by clicking this link to come visit our school and see how collaborative problem-solving works with children. We’ve found that it can also be helpful in our interactions with adults, too!


Current parents please use these links to sign up for your classroom observation:


Adolescent Seminar Observation

Ms. Searcy’s Upper Elementary Classroom Observation

Mrs. Fortun’s Lower Elementary Classroom Observation

Mrs. Mayhugh’s Lower Elementary Classroom Observation

Mrs. Berdick’s Primary Classroom Observation

Ms. Carr’s Primary Classroom Observation

Ms. Chiste’s Primary Classroom Observation

Mrs. Rogers’ Primary Classroom Observation

Be Quiet and Sit Still
By Rebecca Lingo February 16, 2026
At Wheaton Montessori School, your child is guided by highly trained professionals who deeply understand child and adolescent development. Every day, thoughtful structures and intentional practices support students in using their intellect, curiosity, time, and choices successfully, so they can grow into capable, self-directed individuals. Dr. Maria Montessori never equated being “good” with silence or stillness. Our teachers do not equate being well-behaved with being quiet and sitting still. In fact, like Dr. Montessori, we believe that movement, communication, and social interaction are essential to learning. When you observe a classroom at Wheaton Montessori School, you’ll see exactly that: children moving purposefully, talking with peers, collaborating, and responsibly managing their academic work throughout the day. What may look like “freedom” on the surface is actually built upon a strong underlying structure. Students experience a sense of choice, what to work on, where to sit, how long to engage, and who to collaborate with, because the environment has been carefully prepared to support those decisions. The Power of Structure and Grace The foundation of our campus is made up of proactive lessons called Grace and Courtesy . These lessons explicitly teach students how to: Set up and return materials Respect others’ space and work Ask to observe a peer’s work Acknowledge feelings and resolve conflict respectfully These shared lessons give everyone a common language and reference point for living and learning together. Older or more experienced students model appropriate behavior, creating classrooms full of young teachers, not just the adults guiding the environment. Students always have opportunities to challenge themselves or to take a healthy break. They work and play with materials they are developmentally ready to use, ensuring success while still encouraging growth. Not a Free-For-All: A Thoughtfully Designed Community Authentic Montessori environments are often misunderstood as unstructured. In reality, our campus is carefully designed to meet the developmental needs of preschool children through high school freshmen. The structure is natural, respectful, and aligned with who children and adolescents truly are. We know learners may still experience frustration, regret, and disappointment at times. Those moments are part of learning. When a child sits beside a teacher to regroup, it may feel like a “time out” to them, but it is actually a moment of support, reflection, and connection within a safe community. When challenging behaviors arise, our teachers respond with empathy and expertise. They understand that all behavior communicates a need. Rather than relying on rewards or punishments, teachers may guide a child toward a break, offer work that better meets their developmental needs, or help them return to a centered and purposeful state. Growing Self-Discipline From the Inside Out At Wheaton Montessori School, self-discipline and regulation develop through meaningful activity. Expected behavior grows through practice within a warm, structured community. Curiosity sparks interest, interest fuels focus, and focus leads toward mastery. This process contributes to valorization, your child’s growing sense of confidence, capability, and belonging. Children who feel balanced and respected naturally behave with greater care for themselves, others, and their environment. This sums up Dr. Montessori’s limits in three rules: care for yourself, care for others, and care for your surroundings. The true outcome of this work is human development: your child and adolescent’s identity, agency, purpose, and love of learning. When they understand big ideas and see themselves as capable contributors, they grow in ways that last a lifetime.
Materials Spotlight: Sandpaper Letters & Moveable Alphabet
By Rebecca Lingo February 9, 2026
Unlocking Literacy the Montessori Way At Wheaton Montessori School, Montessori literacy materials like Sandpaper Letters and the Moveable Alphabet provide hands-on experiences that connect sounds, symbols, and meaning, building the foundation for confident reading and writing. These materials help children translate the words they hear into the symbols they see, developing strong neural pathways for literacy while fostering independence and a love of language. In this blog, we explore how Sandpaper Letters and the Moveable Alphabet guide children from sound awareness to word building, creating a joyful approach to early literacy. Sandpaper Letters The Sandpaper Letters incorporate decades of insight into how children truly learn to read and write. Sandpaper Letters embody the Science of Reading—connecting sound, symbol, and meaning through hands-on learning and building strong neural pathways for literacy. These timeless Montessori principles continue to align beautifully with what modern science confirms about how your child’s brain learns best. Moveable Alphabet Before handwriting comes word building! The Moveable Alphabet lets your children ‘write’ their thoughts with letters long before they can hold a pencil—bridging the gap between spoken and written language. With literacy materials like the Moveable Alphabet, children communicate their thoughts by building words with cut-out letters—translating the sounds they hear into symbols they can see. This powerful step develops the foundation for reading and writing, helping children understand that words are made of sounds and that sounds can be represented with letters. Because our teachers base every lesson on development, writing comes first—because it’s easier to build words from sounds than to read or decode someone else's written thoughts. Our literacy approach at Wheaton Montessori School is designed to meet each child where they are, providing hands-on experiences that foster confidence, independence, and a lifelong love of reading and writing. From Sandpaper Letters to the Moveable Alphabet, every tool and lesson helps children connect sounds to symbols, build words, and discover the joy of language.